To the person looking for emotional healing,
I know you wish things turned out differently. Maybe you’re grieving a life you thought you’d have. I need you to know that things are going to be okay. This is your life right now. This is what it looks like. Try your best to make do… and heal… and be whole. It’s not going to be easy but it will be worth it. You can do it. You are so strong! You’ve made it this far, all on your own, when you thought you would not make it at all. You are so STRONG! Now, this is an opportunity for you to set yourself free. This is an opportunity for you to let go. I know you feel like this is something that is being done TO you. You have a chance to make it something that is done FOR you. No matter what, you are fully known and deeply loved.
Good can come from this.
So we are convinced that every detail of our lives is continually woven together for good, for we are his lovers who have been called to fulfill his designed purpose.
romans 8:28
My quarter-life crisis has now led me to the conclusion that “living” is the hardest thing anyone ever does.
We deal with the losses of our loved ones, bad breakups and divorces, sickness, or financial hardships. There are so many hard things we go through and unfortunately the list could go on.
I’ve thought a lot about that phrase “time heals all wounds.” I don’t agree.
When I think about how hard it is to deal with emotional damage, I compare it to a fractured bone.
Your body will do its very best to put itself back together, but if you don’t take the time to care for it, get medical care, set the bone in place – you risk it becoming a “non-healing fracture.”
It’s not just about emotional healing. It’s about healing correctly.
Healing while you’re hurting will not happen on its own. You’re going to have to make some kind of choice.
And I’m just going to be completely honest with you: it’s going to suck. Especially if you feel like the circumstances were not fair to you.
Which leads me to Tip #1…
10 TIPS FOR EMOTIONAL HEALING
1) Accept That It’s Going To Be Ugly
- Healing WHILE you’re hurting is going to feel like a contradiction. Because it is. One day, you might be strong and competent and clear-headed. The next day, you might feel emotional and weak and brokenhearted. It’s going to be a roller-coaster of emotions for a little while. You’re not really going to know what you’re doing. You’re not always going to have the right answer. Be patient with yourself in the middle of the mess.
2) It’s Okay To Not Be Okay
- I know there’s a narrative out there for some of us. Men and women alike. “Don’t let them see you break.” This narrative is out there for a couple reasons. First, it serves as protection. Not everyone can be trusted with your vulnerabilities. Second, it helps us “save face” and keep our dignity. But be wise, and know that when you’re with the right people, it’s okay to not be okay.
3) You’re Not Always Going To Want To “Grow From This” – Choose To Do It Anyway
- This is the hardest tip to apply. Especially when it comes to relationships. Our growth and development will almost always benefit others in some way. Even those that have wronged us. But our growth and development also deeply benefits us: our minds, our hearts, our souls. And it’s easy to lose sight of that sometimes when we allow ourself to remain angry, bitter, or callous (closed off). All of that is a form of revenge or a way of getting even. You’re not always going to want to “grow from this.” You’re not always going to want to be the bigger person. But choose to “manage” yourself. Choose to “parent” yourself. Chose to grow anyway.
Adversity introduces a man to himself.
Albert Einstein
4) Learn Some Lessons
- There’s always a lesson to be learned somewhere. Whether it’s about life, self-care, finances, boundaries, relationships, self-worth, etc. seek those lessons out and actively look for something that you can learn and take with you.
5) Ask For Help and Accept Support
Want to know a little secret?
- You need people. Whether you want to admit it or not, you need people. When someone offers help, accept their support. Accept their time, their resources, or their encouragement and don’t be afraid and don’t be too proud to ask for help when you really need it. This is one of the ways you remind yourself that you are not alone in this… even though it may feel like it.
6) Make Time To Process
- There’s going to be a beautiful and uncomfortable balance between making time to process and making time to get past it. One of the ways that we can keep our emotions from sneaking up on us is my making time to “check-in” with ourselves. We make time to process by just being with ourselves. Allowing ourselves a moment of silence. But it’s important to schedule it! In the morning before work or at night before bed. Set the time aside for you to simply “be.”
7) Make Time To Get Past It
- You can make time to get past it if you make time to process your emotions. Like I said earlier: it’s a beautiful and uncomfortable balance between both. If you know that you have time set aside to deal with your internal world, then make sure you also make time to do other things. Live. Have fun. Be happy. Get busy. Find a hobby. Exercise. Be productive. Your brain and your body will thank you for all of it.
8) Take It One Day At A Time
- If you carry the mental load of the next year to come, you are going to burn yourself out. Maybe even the next month to come might be too much depending on the circumstances. I think people often have the habit of trying to anticipate what will go wrong next, trying to avoid the pain they might face in the future. You don’t need to do this. You might think it’s helping but it’s not. Take every day one day at a time. Make a list of 3-5 things to do and stick to it. Celebrate the little milestone of making it!
9) Choose To Remain Tender-Hearted
- There are so many dynamics for this tip. It almost goes along with choosing to grow but it’s a little deeper than the way we choose to grow in our character. When our emotional pain is without relief, if our pain comes from a situation that cannot be fixed, and we get “stuck” in this feeling of desperation, sometimes people do anything they can to “turn it off.” They choose anger instead of sadness. They choose bitterness instead of hurt. They choose animosity instead of sensitivity. And others… they just completely withdraw. And maybe say they “choose” is too strong. It happens almost instinctually. It happens almost without thinking. It makes us feel… powerful.
- So when I say to “choose to remain tender-hearted” I mean: in those moments when you notice you’ve partnered with feelings of anger, animosity, withdrawal, etc. in an attempt to relieve your own pain, make the choice right there and then… to remain kind, gentle, and tender-hearted. It’ll be the most painful part of this emotional healing process… and it’ll feel like letting go of a security blanket.
10) Cling To Hope
- We need hope in order to heal. If we don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, we’re going to wander endlessly in this process. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with hoping a situation will turn around. And there’s nothing wrong with hoping that something better will come. But when I consider all the possibilities, all the things that could be and could not be, hope feels fragile. So my tip, while you are clinging to your hope of the future, is to put your hope in Jesus because no matter what, He’s going to be with you.
Faith shows the reality of what we hope for; it is the evidence of things we cannot see.
hebrews 11:1
Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.
1 corinthians 13:13
You got this.
Want to read more like this? : CLICK HERE!
Want to read more Bible verses about Hope in Hard Times? : CLICK HERE!
