Can we define regret? What does regret even mean?
Oxford Languages defines regret as “a feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over something that has happened or something that has been done.”
Merriam-Webster acknowledges that regret “implies pain caused by deep disappointment, fruitless longing, or unavailing remorse.”
Regret isn’t fun. Regret doesn’t feel good. But did you know, regret isn’t always necessary?
this is How to avoid regret
Here are some tips to avoid making decisions you’ll regret:
1) Listen to the advice of trustworthy voices.
You may have had the experience of being the kind of person that people go to. When someone needs insight, advice, a different perspective, or a solution to a problem, they come to you.
It’s one of the most common ways we can make a positive difference in the lives of those around us.
It’s important to be receptive. It’s important to be willing to hear other people’s perspectives. This kind of wisdom requires humility, the ability to acknowledge that you don’t know it all; that you don’t always know what is best.
But I would also argue that it may be even more important to closely consider which voices you allow to steer your life. It requires a huge amount of discernment to gauge who is truly worthy of your ear.
I would encourage you to evaluate your network by asking these questions:
- Who attentively listens more than they talk?
- Who is it that asks questions to understand?
- Whose life do you want to emulate?
- Who gives the most valuable advice?
- Who has practical strengths in areas where you are weaker?
Use these questions to help you get an idea of the people who are genuinely trustworthy.
Knowledge, experience, and maturity hold tremendous value! Don’t take it for granted when trustworthy people are willing to invest in you by sharing what they know.
I remember having a conversation with my brother when he was in high school. Our older cousin was talking to both of us about our plans for the future. My brother was getting so much good advice. We both were! And my brother, disregarded it and said: “I hear you, but I want to make my own mistakes.”
It’s a thing a lot of people say. Everyone wants to make their own mistakes. As though making your own mistakes makes the lesson more valuable or more necessary. If you have the chance to know better, you have the chance to do better.
You can avoid regret and save precious time and energy if you’re willing to lean into what the right people have to say.
2) Do the right thing.
We have our own convictions, values, and moral compasses but this is a tip that can apply to everyone.
Cause usually doing the wrong thing will come with some form of regret.
When you do what is wrong, it adds a mental, spiritual, emotional load that you don’t want to carry.
If you decide to do, in your heart and mind, what is the right thing to do that will help you avoid regret in the future.
3) Have integrity.
Do things that are true to you and who you are.
Have you ever struggled with cognitive dissonance in the middle of a decision-making process?
Everyone has a conscience. And that conscience can be strengthened by your faith as well. It serves as a guide to help us figure out if we’re doing the right thing.
If you ever find yourself wrestling with an idea, behavior, or decision over time, it’s probably because the path that you’re on is contrary to who you are or what you know to do.
In moments where you recognize that wrestling is happening, be very decisive. Choose who you are. Choose the kinds of decisions you want to make. Choose the kind of life you want to live and manage yourself accordingly.
Here are some questions to ask yourself to help you avoid regret by practicing integrity:
- What are your core values?
- How do you maintain behaviors that support and foster who you are in different seasons?
- When life gives shows you little reward for growth, will you maintain your stance?
4) Leave little room for “what if…”
Sometimes we limit ourselves in how we think and what we believe. When we make decisions based on limiting beliefs, it increases the chances of us asking ourselves “what if…” in the future.
Some common examples of limiting beliefs are:
- I have no experience.
- I don’t have what it takes.
- I’m not good at this.
- I could fail.
It’s important to be wise and responsible. And it’s important to make educated and sound decisions.
With that in mind, also give yourself room to explore. Allow yourself to pursue things that are on your heart to do. Give yourself the option to venture out even if you cannot guarantee the outcome.
If you try and fail, you won’t have to face the regret of not knowing what could’ve been. You can just know that it simply wasn’t for you.
What if I fall?
Oh, but my darling, what if you fly?
ERIN HANSON
5) Do everything you can to succeed.
Do everything you can to be successful in every meaningful domain in your life. Give your very best in school, at work, in marriage, in family, in ministry, etc.
Love, and fight, and work all the way up until a situation is no longer within your realm of control.
When you’re looking back in your life it can be incredibly rewarding and give you a lot of peace to know that you were giving your all. Things did not fail because you gave up. You leaned in. You gave things your all.
If you know you’re doing the best you can, you’re more able to fight the thoughts that say “you could’ve done this” or “you should have done that”
By giving 100% in everything, you are empowering yourself to say: “For this season and with the demands in my life, in this place, doing this thing, I know I did everything I could. I gave it my best shot.”
That keeps you from feeling stuck and keep you from looking back on like and being too hard on yourself.
6) Do it now or regret not doing it later.
Here’s an everyday example of what it looks like to apply this tip.
I used to live in a 3rd-floor apartment. After my year lease ended, I made the decision to move into an apartment on the first floor for a variety of reasons. But, in part, to be able to work out at home – with my child in the next room.
I really enjoy jump rope. Heck, I really enjoy cardio! Out of consideration for my downstairs neighbors, it just wasn’t possible.
When I moved to the first floor, I was determined that things would be different. I would make the move worth it. I would take care of myself. I would do this for me and for all the times I wanted to but couldn’t.
After a couple weeks in the new apartment, I noticed that for every day that I said “I’m not gonna workout now, I’ll work out later” I ended up not doing it that day at all. (I prefer to workout in the morning).
But then I’d spend the whole day regretting my decision to not do it.
I couldn’t have forced myself into an hour of discipline to avoid 8+ hours of regret.
And there’s a lot that goes into making sure I follow through. Setting myself up for success by making sure that I get enough sleep. Mentally preparing for the day ahead after the workout is done. Giving myself time to really rest in the day. And going to sleep on time to get ready to do it the next day and the next day.
But the point is if something is able to be done now, do it. If something is able to be done today, instead of putting it off, don’t give yourself the option, just do it. And give yourself the best chance of following through by leaving little room for excuses.
For me, the negative reinforcement of knowing I would regret not following through was enough to get me to keep going.
7) Learn how to manage yourself.
“Being willing to practice discipline means being ready to make yourself do things, even if you won’t always be perfect or get everything right. It means being accountable to yourself.
When you learn to manage yourself, it means you can make yourself do things even when you don’t want to or when it doesn’t make you happy, because you know it’s the right thing to do.
Many people have heard about this idea of discipline, but not everyone understands what it really means.
Let’s say you’re doing something that you feel isn’t benefiting you. Are you able to manage yourself? Can you make a decision and say to yourself, ‘I’ve chosen to do this, and I’m going to follow through with it’?
Sometimes it’s a bit easier to manage ourselves when we’re accountable to other people. For example, when it comes to work, we may not always want to go, but we do it because we need the money or because others are relying on us.
External factors like these can help us manage ourselves. Even our own passion for a project can motivate us enough to control our behaviors.
But when the only person you have to answer to is God and yourself, can you show that same level of discipline? The discipline it takes just to show up?
As a fully-functioning adult, nobody can make choices for you. It’s up to you to be responsible and make the right decisions.
8) Have an accountability partner
Look for people who are willing to be in your corner. Invite people into your life who are willing to hold you accountable. If they are willing to speak up, it’s likely because they care. It’s a realy treasure to have people in your life who are willing to hold you to what you say and what you want. If they have good character and have proven to be trustowrthy in the past, learn to depend on them when needed. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable.
9) Go where you feel led.
Knowing the things that God has told me and the seasons in which He’s revealed these things has given me a lot of peace recently.
I believe I’m able to avoid regret in the areas where I’ve chosen to obey. There were many times it wasn’t necessarily what I wanted.
With that in mind, when I reflect on my decisions and acknowledge my own wants, desires, dreams, what helps me to avoid regret, even to this day, is knowing the bottom line. And for me the bottom line was choosing obedience and putting that as a higher priority in the key areas of my life.
10) Establish your top priorities.
In order to do this, you need to define your values and live your values out with intention.
Different seasons in your life may weigh your values differently.
Being able to revisit your values and determine the weight of each value in each season is a form of wisdom.
There are going to be times in life where you need to be able to separate what is MOST important.
This can be a really difficult process for people that like to think they can have it all, do it all.
It is an unrealistic expectation to think that if you do eveyrthing, you won’t have to sacrifie. It is neither realistic nor sustainable to think that you can give 100% to everything.
If you can relate to that feeling, take some time to pause and reflect on that.
Here are some questions to help you in the process:
- What are all the things I care about most right now?
- What is urgent, not urgent, important, and not important?
- Which priorities place a focus, demand, or sacrifice on the people I love? How can I preserve my relationship with them in the process?
- Which priorities can be listed least to greatest?
- When deciding between two priorities: which will require more time, more energy and ultimately take greater precedence?
Think realistically about the sacrifices you are willing to make for each priority. In addition, think about the things that are non-negotiable. Consider boundaries with time, money, etc.
11) Don’t be impulsive.
Sometimes, people prefer to minimize the time and effort spent on thinking and processing things. Making decisions requires a significant amount of mental, physical, and emotional energy as we weigh different options and outcomes.
To avoid wrestling, people will often just try to get it all over with and resort to being impulsive to take the pressure off. Don’t rush into making decisions.
Instead, take your time to carefully consider everything. Opt for decisions that challenge you and push you to grow. Take into account all the important factors and potential consequences before settling on a course of action.
And ultimately, strive to make choices that will bring you a sense of peace. Making decisions aligned with your values and goals will minimize the chances of regret in the long run.
