This is going to sound crazy. Or, maybe, just incredibly ironic.
I found happiness at the brink of depression and anxiety. It was something I was really struggling with for a couple of years.
While dealing with life and mental health issues, I thought about how to be happy. How to fight for it enough to find it in small things.
Happiness had to become a discipline for me. It had to become something I practiced.
If you’re struggling trying to figure out how to be happy, you’re in the right place. The key to finding happiness is starting every day as if it’s an entirely new day.
Here are 28 simple and practical things I do to be happy!
starting with the 3 things no one wants to hear.
1. Don’t Suppress Your Emotions
Allow yourself to feel everything.
This is probably one of the most important tips I can offer you. We often struggle to be happy when we’re actually dealing with really tough stuff.
We have things going on at home, at school, at work. Life is a lot to handle sometimes.
All I wanted, when I was in the pit of depression, was to be happy. I had a bad habit of looking down on myself for crying and mourning and caring.
But, being happy doesn’t mean you shut down every other emotion.
You can go through hard things and find bits and pieces of happiness to hold unto. You can create happy moments.
You can allow yourself to feel the difficult and uncomfortable feelings. You should actually make room for them. Even though they may be painful, sitting with them for a little is good for you and your body.
Which leads me to my next point…
2. Talk To A Doctor
Did you know: emotions can get trapped in your body when you suppress them? Our nervous system has a natural ability to process our feelings through physical expressions (like crying, shaking, etc.) When we avoid them, we limit our bodies natural ability to “let them out.”
In 2019, I went through something that was kind of traumatic for me to process. I started to develop physical symptoms along with everything else I was experiencing.
I waited until my body was affected to seek medical help and avoided the idea of medication as much as possible.
What started out as a simple adjustment disorder, ended up becoming full-on anxiety and depression that was difficult to cope with.
If you’ve noticed that you’re more sad, more angry, or more stressed; or if you’re dealing with emotional trauma AND you have physical symptoms, you should bring it up with your healthcare provider just to make sure that you are taken care of.
3. Talk To A Therapist
Talk therapy can be such an empowering resource for us. When you find a great counselor, you’ll realize therapy is one of the most underestimated tools we have at our disposal.
Talking to a therapist can help you learn things about yourself, the way you think, and the way you process your emotions. It can help you understand how your history has shaped you.
It can help you realize unhealthy patterns in your life, help you change the way you perceive things, or just help you cope with things you’re actually dealing with.
If you want to be happy, therapy can be something that helps you navigate through the things that may be causing you to be unhappy. And that’s a great first step!
Here’s A Podcast Episode on How To Start Therapy and What To Expect!
4. Don’t Force It
Like I mentioned earlier, sometimes we’re unhappy because we’re going through stuff.
Trying to be happy when you’re wrestling with a general sense of “unhappiness” doesn’t mean you have to lie to yourself.
There is a very delicate mental/emotional/spiritual balance that you have to find for yourself of allowing yourself to feel your feelings while also allowing yourself to push past them.
It’s not easy.
I remember telling a younger friend of mine that I was on antidepressants because I was officially depressed (lol)…
To which he innocently responded: “Why don’t you just be happy?”
When larger things are at play, happiness isn’t a switch you can just turn on and off. Believe me, I’ve been here before.
It’s not easy.
This is why I feel like I can say this next point…
5. Choose Happiness
Whenever you can. As often as you can.
Have you ever met someone that says they want something, but you can just tell they don’t actually mean it?
Whatever they want, they don’t want it enough to fight for it.
They don’t want it enough to do it.
Or they simply don’t want it enough to convince you that they’re serious…
Don’t be that person.
If you really want to be happy, do everything in your power to achieve that goal.
It doesn’t mean you’re going to be happy all the time. That’s not realistic. It just means that you’re going to do everything you can to make happiness a reality in your life.
Explore all options. Look for all the opportunities. And when you find it, hold unto it tightly.
Choose happiness moment by moment.
6. Do What You Love
What’s one thing you do regularly simply because you enjoy it?
I did some light reading on different types of hobbies: hobbies that make you money, hobbies that keep you creative, hobbies that keep you in shape, hobbies that build your knowledge, and hobbies that help you socialize.
I would like to add a couple more types of hobbies to that awesome list!
Hobbies that help you relieve stress and hobbies that make you happy.
Here’s something to think about though.
Watching TV or scrolling through Tiktok might be something I enjoy doing. It might be something that helps me relax. But I don’t necessarily feel happy or rejuvenated afterward.
Going to the movies, however, does make me feel happy. Maybe it’s the novelty, the popcorn, the experience, or just being able to get outside of the house.
The hobbies that “fill you up,” those are the experiences you want to explore when you’re thinking about doing more of what you love.
Find different and fulfilling ways to do things you enjoy; things that challenge you or help you grow.
There’s a lot of evidence out there that says hobbies can really improve our mental health.
7. Celebrate When It Doesn’t Make Sense
Not too long ago, I found myself being able to move forward. I found myself being able to face what I had been afraid of for years. This season of my life had caused me the most grief I’d ever experienced in my life. And, after almost 3 years of dreading it, I finally faced it. Willingly!
It was painful. It was heartbreaking. It was frustrating.
I cried in an elevator.
And, what did I do afterward?
I celebrated. I took myself out to dinner. (Does anybody else celebrate by going out to eat? Or is that just me?)
Celebrating when it doesn’t make sense allows you to find happiness in unexpected places.
8. Try New Things
This world has so much to offer and we tend to get so stuck in our own interests and our own routines.
Try new things! New experiences are rewarding for your brain!
They trigger the release of dopamine which is motivating to us. They create new connections and new neural pathways and they allow us to find excitement.
Maybe it’s going on a hike for the first time.
Maybe it’s going on a short weekend get-a-way for once.
Maybe it’s cooking and trying a new dish.
Or maybe it’s about doing something different with your kids every Saturday.
Whatever it is, whatever it looks like, big or small, it can be very rewarding.
9. Get Up and Get Ready
Can you relate to the feeling of just being “stuck?”
Let me set the scene:
- You have the day to yourself. You slept in and you can easily decide to stay there and do nothing. Or maybe you can just decide to do the bare minimum.
Challenge yourself in that moment to get up, get ready, and get out.
Choose to live this day as if it were your last. Don’t take the day for granted or assume you will have tomorrow.
I came across this video on Tiktok that asked something like:
“If you were offered a million dollars but you wouldn’t be able to wake up tomorrow, would you take the million?”
10. Set Boundaries
There are concepts of fear and stress responses we’re all familiar with: fight, flight, freeze, and fawn.
I’m pretty sure I went through years circling through all those responses and circling back.
I overexerted myself for everything I cared about, felt the need to show up, felt the need to fight, felt the need to be strong.
Whatever percentage of strength was left, I would give 100% of that.
But I could not do it well.
Not in a way that allowed me to be steady. Not in a way that preserved me. Not in a way that preserved my health.
And the problem was not necessarily that I stayed. The problem is that I didn’t set boundaries to protect myself. I did not distance myself from things that were draining me.
Don’t make the same mistakes I made.
Just in case no one’s told you:
- You shouldn’t dread going to work.
- You shouldn’t be anxious about going home.
- You shouldn’t be adopting everyone’s problems as though they are your own.
- “Sunday blues” shouldn’t be a weekly thing.
- People shouldn’t be triggers for stress and anxiety.
- You shouldn’t be crying every day.
Say no when you need to say no.
Understand and respect your limitations and place boundaries.
Here’s a link to a book I’m reading on this topic:
BOUNDARIES: WHEN TO SAY YES, HOW TO SAY NO TO TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE
“Does your life feel like it’s out of control? Perhaps you feel like you have to say yes to everyone’s requests. Maybe you find yourself readily taking responsibility for others’ feelings and problems. Or perhaps you focus so much on being loving and unselfish that you’ve forgotten your own limits and limitations. Or maybe it’s all of the above.”
HENRY CLOUD
11. Surround Yourself With Quality People
To this day, I thank God for the people He’s placed around me.
- I thank God for the woman who encouraged me to love and had my back when my heart was broken.
- I thank God for the friend who rejoiced when I rejoiced and mourned when I mourned.
- I thank God for the family that wished I had not spent so many months fighting alone.
- I thank God for a grandmother who prayed.
- I thank God for a sister that believed in God with me and the friend who heard me.
- I thank God for the marriages that remain intact and the families that welcomed me in.
Surround yourself with people, yes, because it is good. But to surround yourself with quality people is one of the greatest blessings.
12. Dream
Dreaming allows you an opportunity to think about what you really want.
It gives you a chance to think about what you want your life to look like.
“If you could choose, what would your day-to-day look like.”
Even if you can only dream as far as tomorrow or dream as far as a month from now, it’s still a good place to start.
When you take the time to think about what your desires and aspirations are, it allows you to move forward step-by-step with the end in mind. You have something to move toward.
13. Travel
If it’s within your means, take some time for rest and relaxation. Explore the world! See the sights!
But if it’s not, look for places you can explore nearby. Go to the mountains. Go to the beach. Go into the city. Go for a walk in a small town. Visit a farm or a zoo or an aquarium.
Adventure is everywhere and you don’t need to be rich to find it right where you are.
14. Exercise
There are a lot of reasons why movement is good for you. But it’s also just really good for your mental health. According to the National Library of Medicine: “Exercise improves mental health by reducing anxiety, depression, and negative mood by improving self-esteem and cognitive function. Exercise has also been found to alleviate symptoms such as low self-esteem and social withdrawal.”
So it’s good for your body and your brain and if you’re anything like me and you like accomplishing a goal, exercising will also release dopamine when you check “go to the gym” off your to-do list.
15. Lighten Your Mental Load
Another term for “mental load” is invisible labor.
It involves things like giving yourself reminders, thinking about what to cook, what to clean, setting appointments, keeping track of events at school, figuring out what your toddler needs and wants, making grocery lists, to-do lists, etc.
It’s not necessarily completing a project, it’s more like project management.
There are a lot of things that need to get done and I’m not saying to shirk all your responsibilities. But there are definitely things we can do to lighten our load.
For example, if you have the energy and the capacity to get something done right away, don’t put it off until later. If you’re holding unto something mentally cause you’re afraid you’ll forget, just write it down really quick. If you can get something down without having to create a whole process for it, just do it. Try to automate tasks and make them a predictable part of the routine so that they don’t get overlooked or overwhelming.
16. Get A Pet
Getting a pet is a pretty serious decision and it’s not something that should be taken lightly. This is not for everyone. It can be a really big responsibility.
That being said, there can be a lot of positive benefits to getting a pet. Pets can reduce stress and anxiety, increase productivity, provide company, and encourage activity.
Playing with a pet can trigger oxytocin which is a great mood-booster.
17. Vent
If you talk to a therapist and surround yourself with quality people, you’ll likely be given an opportunity to vent about the things that are on your mind. Which is great!
But regardless of the context or the circumstance, you should allow yourself an opportunity to talk to a trusted person who you can be real and authentic with.
Being able to vent, to say things as you think them, without filtering it all so that you seem like a better person can be really cathartic.
It’ll give you insight about what’s going on inside your heart and your mind. It’ll allow you an opportunity to possibly see things from another angle. It show you what areas need growth and what areas need more care.
It’ll also show you how to pray.
18. Pray
Have you ever just looked inside of yourself and noticed that you need a little work?
There have been plenty of moments this year where I saw that I was hurt, or sad, or angry, and in those moments where I felt all of those feelings, I also acknowledged that I needed to pray. I also acknowledged that I hadn’t healed enough to not ask for help with coping.
For me, it’s praying. For me, it’s meditating on God’s word.
This process of praying through things was a tool that allowed me to heal little by little even while I was hurting. The result of that is being able to find happiness where I didn’t expect to find it.
19. Have Gratitude
Gratitude is a powerful thing. I almost want to say that it’s a supernatural gift.
Last week, I had a moment where I told God: “God, this sucks. But if I have to go through this, I’m glad that I’m going through it with this person. Thank you for choosing this person for me.”
(I’m sorry, WHAT?!)
It was not something I said to sound like a good person. It was not something I said to write in a blog post. It was something I said honestly.
Rejoice always, pray constantly, give thanks in everything; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
To acknowledge anything good has been a gift: a gift that allows me to see God in my own life.
I have a place to stay. Food on the table. A healthy body. A healthy baby. Healthy prospects. And I have this day and I have Jesus. There are so many things to be grateful for.
20. Go Outside
Go outside.
Catch some sun.
Get some fresh air.
Spending time outdoors can help you get happy by reducing stress and making you feel more relaxed. Going outside can improve your mood, reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety, and get you moving.
The hardest part will be getting past your front door. Once you get out, enjoy it. Listen to the birds, the people, the wind, or listen to feel-good music.
21. Have A Goal
Sometimes people struggle with tasks when they don’t have solid or strong enough reasons to do them.
Having a goal can help you do things you don’t necessarily want to do because you’ll probably understand why you’re doing it.
Working toward something can make you motivated. Checking something off a list, accomplishing a goal, all these things would be rewarding for your brain.
Here’s more on How To Set Goals and Accomplish Them!
22. Clean
A messy space is something that can affect your mental load. We talked about mental load earlier.
There’s research that says a cluttered and messy home can contribute to feelings of overwhelm, stress, and anxiety. It can also negatively affect your ability to be productive or focus,
“A cluttered room is a cluttered mind.”
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Taking the time to clean up your space can help you feel less stressed and less overwhelmed. It’ll be one less thing that you have to worry about.
If you keep up with your house, you might find that you have more time, more energy, or simply more motivation. Who doesn’t look forward to coming home to a clean space?
23. Eat Right
The right foods can help improve your mood.
Serotonin is a brain chemical that helps stabilize mood and it is one neurotransmitter that is particularly affected by your gut health.
There’s a correlation between what you eat and how you feel. Healthier choices can really encourage a healthier happier mind.
24. Do Meaningful-Purpose Driven Things
Many feeling and future-oriented people need to find meaning and purpose in what they do. It’s something that makes them happy.
It’s something that keeps them going.
When these types are deeply rooted in their purpose at work, at home, and in life, it makes them more reliable and more resilient.
Search for things that make you feel like you belong. Seek out things that make you feel valued for your contributions.
But don’t underestimate the value of participating in the little seemingly-insignificant things. Purpose can be fueled by passion. But it says even more for purpose to be fueled by discipline.
Happiness is accessible in either case.
25. Be Spontaneous
For all the type A people out there: being spontaneous doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to be reckless or careless.
But being spontaneous comes with some really great benefits. People who are spontaneous are usually happier, more optimistic, and more relaxed.
Practicing spontaneity might be worth a try!
26. Dance
If you follow me on social media, you know I love to dance and I love to dance with my daughter. Randomly.
Just because it’s fun. Just because I enjoy it.
BUT ALSO…
Dancing has mental health benefits. It can make you happy by triggering endophins, reducing stress and anxiety, improving your mood, and relieving depression.
27. Watch A Comedy
This is something I used to do all the time when I was in high school. I remember on Friday or Saturday nights, we would eat good food and watch funny movies. Movies that made us laugh.
Laughter is good for the soul.
Laughter is good for your brain and your body!
It’s the best medicine.
First of all, it’s contagious. I have the best memories laughing with my siblings and my mother. Laughter boosts immunity, reduces depression, decreases stress, and almost functions like a pain killer since it produces feel-good brain chemicals like endorphins.
Watch a funny movie. Hang out with funny friends. Go to a stand-up comedy. Be silly!
28. Sleep
Did you know that when you’re sleep-deprived, you’re more likely to be stressed and depressed?
Also, it just sucks to be tired.
You have less energy, you’re less patient, and you’re less pleasant to be around. (What? Someone had to say it.)
It sounds like such a little thing and some people still won’t take it seriously enough to get a good night’s sleep. But it really has been linked to our overall happiness, it really does matter, and it does make a difference.
